Confused.

J + L = Confused.

Okay.

Who and where am I right now. When I came out of college I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that I liked electronics enough to play with bread boards in my spare time and also I was extremely taken by all things programming.

Once I got an assignment from one of my profs it was about something related to linked lists. I remember sitting with it for hours on end and once it was cracked I remember writing a phone diary with that concept then I remember my brothers discovering the file store and editing it to gobbly gook to annoy me and I remember getting annoyed and writing another program to encrypt the data in it using a character replacement algorithm and going IN YOUR FACE SUCKAS!!!!

Major geek quotient I know.

There was a time when I used to write code for fun I really did enjoy it, then when I started working I carried it along even though I was not really sure about I am doing what I want. Then when I look at what I do now, I am truly disgusted.

Sure , I still have no clue about what it that I want to do. But it cannot be remotely close to what I do now. Attending freakin meetings, planning projects, dealing with bullies, modulating every word that comes out of my mouth, knowing that everybody who is talking to you has an agenda and is trying to manipulate you. I mean come on when I look back at the whole of last month, I really cant find a single thing I enjoyed doing. This lack of interest shows in everything I do now, earlier I used to push myself and push everybody around me by putting in my best foot forward now it seems everybody around me is cleaning up my mess. That sucks.

I guess this is natural progression. Then I am not sure if I should progress really.

My habit of letting life take me around places and try and solve what it puts in front of me is not working any more.

How do I get back on track? I have no idea. I like some of the people I work with and they have helped in times of need and I don’t want to let them down and put them in a bind.

But something’s gotta give. Working on it now, will get back to me ASAP. (J The most commonly used phrase maybe in my line of work)