Its official I have stopped talking. Words no longer come outta my mouth. Gone mute in a hurry, well that aint entirely true,it wasn’t that fast, it was slow crept up on me in my sleep walk, as slow as realizing my ears no longer search for any voice worth holding on to.
Look up these days, the moutains to climb on to stand and look around, damn got a wrong one again well what’s the difference mate there aint no one on the other one either. Stones on me. Got a mouth; it still makes noise but aint got nothin to do with me.
Found me a box, put me in it, put an answerin machine up front. Ha clever me. Just the embalming fluid missing in my funeral home.
When did that happen. Me, me who smiled a crater and laughed an earthquake. Can’t even put a grimace on my mask these days. Where did I go. Read somewhere pain is what the wood feels when the axe iron says hi. Guess I saw the axe too much, up close. It thinks my mind's just a hole, blind and dump to put its crap. Surprise surprise can see right through your kind face, the blade in the air waitin in your hand, expectin and damp, can see better than you. Keep on waiting I aint blinkin with you around.
Got a curse on me, my face tells everything. Can’t put a smile on when ma face meets evil, not to save me not to kill it. The bad taste in my mouth always glares on my face. Guess what, nothing but bleedin mind numbin badness greets my senses lately, relentlessly.
Where has the good gone? Was around me just the last day, can remember those days when mornins still brought me that sweet fragrance not this fog and acid fumes. Pullin me up for one more long swim in this cesspool, all warmed up and rotten just right to kill me.
So I locked up ma voice, yeah that's what I did.
Not givin up though, my heart's gotta stop beating for that. Just got tired, exhausted, drained. Parasites hooking on to me, hitch a ride on my back I dont mind the load, but just dont sink your teeth in to take a sip. Sure do miss that wonderland, got clear waters, where all ma joys are wrapped in, none strangers to my skin. Would give anything to want to speak again, to see the point again. Talkin feels like laughin in a funeral to me, outta place outta sorts. Meant for another generation of me, a time of freedom in the companionship of honesty when even the pain was naked and true. Today the tainted truth is marched in front of me by its neck, doesn’t dare meet my eye.
Don’t know when it left me. Learned me the shrug, nod and the grunt. I know I am in despair, gotta start the repair.
One day the world told me learn to excel, fight and conquer do the desired. Don’t got the weapons to fight this one just yet, so gotta pull down the blinds. But I will. Till then, I aint gonna let it eat me, gnaw on my thought, drain my soul.
Gonna shutdown now. Not for good. I'll open my mouth again, it’s gonna laugh, it’s gonna leave you nowhere to run.
Till then....
